Saturday, February 14, 2004

Puppets Gone Wild: Triumph of the Will?

If there's one thing we as Canadians can all agree on this Valentine's Day weekend, it's that puppets are clearly out of control.

Yes, less than two days after noted dog/puppet Triumph the Insult Comic insulted Quebecers on the Conan O'Brian show, out comes a survey in La Presse showing that national unity is in peril: over the past week, the Liberals have lost support in Quebec, while the Bloc Quebecois have shot up in the polls.

(This must be Triumph's fault right? It can't have anything to do with this.)

But, unfortunately, Triumph isn't just a single bad apple in the puppet world. He comes from a long line of racist and prejudiced puppets, like:

- Finnigan (right), who with the Council of Conservative Canines was involved in a series of cat pogroms in the late '70s;

- Casey (middle), who once sported a T-shirt that said, "Kill Straighty";

- Howdy-Doody, who was directly involved in the genocide of North American Indians;

- Alf, who founded the Melmac chapter of the Ku Klux Klan;

- Charlie McCarthy, who persecuted socialists and labour activists throughout the 1950s;

- Lambchop, who gassed Kurds by the thousands during the Iran-Iraq War;

- Aloysius Snuffleupagus, who blew himself up in a Jerusalem pizza parlour during the early days of the second intifada.

- Ernie (right), who began organizing anti-gay rallies with Rev. Fred Phelps after being converted and "cured" by the Westboro Baptist Church.

And these are just the most famous cases.

Something must be done, before the Puppet Hate gets further out of control. We look to you, Alexa McDonough...

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