Friday, April 16, 2004

The Art of War : Roommate Edition

In order to draw Iraqi gunmen out from Fallujah, the U.S. military has begun using tactics like playing AC/DC music all night and blasting Arabic insults -- like “You shoot like a goat herder”-- over loudspeakers [so saith AP]. Jaded Graduostudoblogger Optimus Crime has some other psych ops suggestions for the American army, as taught to him by his roommate from his first year of university. Some of his helpful hints:
2) Spend the night downing beers and watching wrestling. Once sufficiently inebriated, burst into insurgent headquarters, drunk, and demand that the sunni cleric "... wrassle" with you.

3) Make an enormous pot of Kraft Dinner after smoking weed. Leave leftovers to rot on a rooftop for several days. When insurgents ask what the smell is, swear that you have no idea.

4) Download bad 1980s porn from a file sharing network. Invite the Third Marines over at 3:00am to watch it while the mujahideen are trying to sleep. Insist that the enemy fighters wake up to watch it with you. When rebuffed, steal their sheets and blankets.
[Read the rest here.]

Post-script

Note that Optimus Crime has recently become the CSI of blogs. There is now an Optimus Crime: Halifax and an Optimus Crime: Kingston. What connects these three? They are all written by Canadian graduate students procrastinating from their theses...

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