Monday, June 14, 2004

Campaign Diary, Day 23: The Geometric Shapes Fight Back

My, oh, my... Has it been 23 days already? Seems like just yesterday, the Prime Minister was doing his slow walk, slappin' high fives on his way to drop the writ.

Oh wait. Did I write "Seems like just yesterday"? Sorry, I meant, "It feels like this goddamn election campaign has been going on for friggin' century and it's summer and it's nice outside and I don't care and if I don't care then I can't even imagine how little those people who aren't normally interested in politics care, 'cuz they must be caring somewhere in the negative numbers, though that brings up an interesting point, because if people start actively not caring about the election, do they then start caring about the election, kind of like how negative infinity and positive infinity meet, and could we actually have the highest voter turnout in history because every cares so little?"

That's what I meant to write.

Here in Montreal, the geometric shapes are fighting back. Almost every election sign in the Plateau Mont-Royal has been defaced with Xacto knifes. Triangles or squares or rhombuses have been sliced out where politicians mouths used to be. The geometric shapes are apparently non-partisan, as this de-mouthing has happen to pols of all stripes, even poor Gilles Duceppe, who has lost most of his facial features to disaffected youth with sharp knives.

The debates begin tonight (French today; English tomorrow) and I really hope that everyone keeps to debating policy. But I'm not so naive. I know Martin will demonize Harper, and Harper will be deliberately vague about his platform, and Layton will charm everyone with a few well-timed strokes of his moustache and then get carried away at one point and say something stupid and all that charm will be for naught, and Duceppe will sit back and be smug and keep his mouth shut if he knows what's good for him.

My favourite headline today about the debates is from the Globe and Mail: Martin has four hours to save campaign, Liberal MPs caution.

Nice try guys, but this election is not an episode of 24 and Paul Martin is certainly no Jack Bauer. This election officially jumped the shark about a week ago, but, alas, does not look like it's going to be cancelled for a while yet.

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