Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Campaign Diary, Day 25 : If I had a Shovel

Andrew Coyne has the round-up of what every pundit in the nation thought of last night's debate. The debate was so boring that I don't even have two cents about it. So here's my one cent reaction from last night:

"I could have shovelled all this under the carpet. I did not do that."


Sorry, Mr. Martin. I was choking on my Fritos. Could you repeat that thing you just said about the Sponsorship Scandal again?

"I could have shovelled all this under the carpet."

Oh! Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Mr. Martin. Way to go! I'm so glad you didn't try to cover up your government's corruption after it was exposed by the Auditor General. Good work!

Notice, by the way, that if he had pushed the Sponsorship Scandal under the carpet, he would have done so with a shovel and not a broom as is customary. There just was too much for a simple sweepin'. Bring out the shovel!

Well, Martin sure was shovellin' something last night. (Hint: The shit.)

Anyway, I'd like to see him adopt this rhetorical tack on EVERY ISSUE. Speechwriters take note:

"I could have invaded Iraq. But I didn't!"

"I could have mooned President Bush during the G8. But, see, I'm a good Prime Minister. So, I didn't do that!"

"I could have introduced legislation to legalize the consumption of human babies. I did not do that!"

"Vote for me. Paul Martin. I don't do evil things."

"But I could."

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