Once upon a time, I wrote a letter to my old university newspaper The McGill Daily. It was the first issue of the year and the commentary editor, a friend of mine, asked me to write her something to fill the letter page. I wrote about Phish, because I wanted to tease some of the editors who I knew were fans:
Dear Editor,Hardy-har-har, very funny, yadda-yadda. Anywho, today some Phish fan linked to the old letter on a fan message board and then some other poster discovered my blog and linked to it too. Now, I'm getting bombarded by Phish fans who think I'm a "phagg."
I don't know if you've heard of this band Phish, but I really don't get what the big deal is. First of all, I have issues with their name. Phish. It's like Fish, but with a ‘Ph’ in front of it. And no ‘F.’ That's not very clever. It's more, like, lame. Like Phat and, in particular, Phat Pharm.
And could they maybe finish a song? Like, maybe, once in while? Phinish, even? I understand the concept of the “jam band,” but is all that jamming really going anywhere? Is that the point? The journey versus the destination? That's nice and all, but really, if they smoked a little less pot, maybe they could end a song before I fall asleep. Because I inevitably fall asleep when someone puts Phish on. Sorry, phall asleep. Or I get a craving for phalaphals.
And tie-dye? Like, get a liphe.
My phavourite comment so far? "It's a bummer that there is no "F" sound in ASSHAT, because thats what that guy was wearing." Runner up: "I bet she probably wants to seperate too. Damn Quebecois."
Oh, the Internet! But there's a lesson here: If I ever want to boost my hit count, all I have to do is insult a popular band and voila!
Welcome Phish fans! I bear you no ill will. I'll admit I think your favourite band sucks, but I have friends who want George W. Bush to be re-elected too... I even am buddies with some Nader supporters! We can work it out!