Thursday, October 14, 2004

Open Letter to Senator John Kerry after the Final Debate

Dear John,

You did okay last night. But there was one line of yours that I wanted to bring up and urge you never to use again. "[B]eing lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is a little bit like Tony Soprano talking to me about law and order in this country."

Dammit John, don't you see you already have the HBO-watching voters in your pocket? This line just cements your reputation as an HBO Liberal.

The point is good. You had me at "Tony." But in the future, I should like for you to present it in one of the following ways, which will better appeal to middle American viewing habits:

- "[B]eing lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is a little bit like Ray Barone talking to me about being pussywhipped."

- "[B]eing lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is a little bit like Joey Tribbiani talking to me about Stanislavski."

- "[B]eing lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is a little bit like Jeff Probst talking to me about charisma."

- "[B]eing lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is a little bit like Donald Trump talking to me about socialism."

- "[B]eing lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is a little bit like Paris Hilton talking to me about fiscal responsibility."

Godspeed,

J. Kelly Nestruck

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