Lost the war, but won the battle...
Attorney General John Ashcroft has resigned. Serotonin levels lift across the country in those people who have been catatonic for a week.
Writes Ashcroft in his Dear George letter: "The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."
Sweet! War on Terror: Objective Achieved! It's over, baby! It's VT day! Let have a ticker tape parade! Let's grab our girlfriend's head in the crook of our arm, bend her over backwards in the street, and kiss her so hard our sailor hat almost falls off!