Monday, May 21, 2007

I've been a bad blogger.

I have. You must agree.

Nonetheless, even in my current bad-blogging state, the Globe and Mail (by which I mean Siri Agrell, bon vivant and author of Bad Bridesmaid) asked me about being a blogger the other day for an article about bullshit jobs and the book 100 Bullshit Jobs. I was asked if "Blogger" was indeed a bullshit job, and you can read my response here, as well as the responses from a meteorologist (Michael Kuss, no less!), a handwriting analyst and a closet organiser - other professions deemed bullshit by the bullshit bathroom book author Stanley Bing.

You know who has been a good blogger, by the way? Vanessa Farquharson. My old Arts & Life colleague at the Post has a great blog called Green as a Thistle. On it, she is tracking her one-year quest to reduce her carbon footprint day by day. I can't even believe some of the sacrifices she has made over the past 78 days. My jaw dropped when she unplugged her fridge the other day... Is this this same VF who once came by my apartment and laughed at how little my television is? (Admittedly, it was so old it had a dial, so it was giggle-worthy.) I'm glued to her transformation.

Oh, speaking of bullshit (two paragraphs ago, but hey, I can segue however I damn well please), I must point you in the direction of this Sunday Times article about the Lord of the Rings musical, which having flopped like a house full of hobos in Toronto is about to open in a New! and Improved! version in London.

Kevin Wallace, the gab-gifted producer behind this insane endeavour, has been pedalling a revisionist history of the Toronto production to credulous journos here in L-town. It's hard to know where to start screaming with laughter at this particular passage from the Times:
Showing hobbit-like determination and a calm eloquence worthy of Gandalf himself, Wallace put a brave face on things when, in September last year, he abruptly closed the Toronto show after only six months. "We have made theatre history here," he declared, but he also promised that The Lord of the Rings would reappear in London in the summer of 2007. And Wallace spake wisely. His production, almost entirely recast, with more music and 25 minutes shaved off the running time to bring it in at three hours, is now previewing at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane, and will open for critical scrutiny, after a lengthy bedding-down, on June 19.

The widely received notion that the transferring musical has already been branded a flop is an understandably sensitive – and hotly contested – point with all concerned. Wallace insists that the show sold nearly 90% of the seats at the Princess of Wales Theatre in Toronto. The chief deciding factor in closing early was the need to ship the enormous set to London before the Hudson River froze over. It took four months, and the complete removal of all the existing understage equipment, to install the Rings' elaborate machinery in the Theatre Royal.
I'm sorry, did you say something? I couldn't hear because I was SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER. Shall we enumerate the bollocks?

At the press conference announcing the closing last JUNE (1), Mr Wallace behaved more like Gollum than an eloquent Gandalf (2), naming and shaming the critics who had given LOTR bad reviews, and then blaming Toronto in general, saying: "Its spiritual home is the London theatre."

Oh, I don't even want to enumerate anymore. But the Hudson river? Surely, the St Lawrence...

It's getting harder every day to root for this production. (But I am.)


Ben said...

Hey, that television is in my basement! If you hate it so much, do you want me to give it to the Glebe Manor yard sale?

Vanessa said...

Aw, thanks Kelly! You're so sweet. The fact is, I still can't even say the word "blog" without cringing. But I'll remember your compliments when I'm on Day 275 and weeping into my wormy compost bin.

Also, you're a good blogger for one very important reason: you're funny. Way funnier than me. And no one wants to read an unfunny blog.

MK said...

I think I've mentioned I'm currently working at the Princess of Wales. I've heard tales of how sad the houses got. Wallace is definitely talking out of his you-know-what.

J. Kelly said...